He was a quiet guy, that Carl Everett by Jared Carrabis
C-Rex points a gun at wife's head, smashes two cell phones to prevent 911 calls


This is the kind of news that just shatters your sense of reality, and makes you feel like everything you have ever known about a person was a complete lie.

I mean, in the past few months, how many of the game’s most honorable men have made headlines for uncharacteristic acts? Back in January, the ever so reasonable and laidback Milton Bradley was arrested on a felony charge for making a criminal threat; and just recently, the most honorable man that the game has ever known, Barry Bonds, was charged with obstruction of justice.

As you know, unforeseen and bizarre occurrences usually come in threes, and today, we’ve got our third. The Tampa Bay Tribune is reporting that former Red Sox…Marlins, Mets, Astros, Rangers, White Sox, Expos, and Mariners…outfielder Carl Everett has been arrested for aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and tampering with a witness.

Obviously, I’m just as floored as you are by this news. According to the report, Crazy Carl pointed a gun at his wife’s head, and smashed two cell phones that would have been used to dial 911. I’ll be honest in saying that I didn’t really follow his career outside of his two seasons in Boston, but while he was here, he was such a levelheaded guy. Just the kind of guy that you’d want to kneel down next to your son, point to Everett and say, "Son, some day, I hope you grow up to be just like that guy right there."

Of course, Everett never got the opportunity to have a moment like that with his daughter, because she would rather "remain in a foster home" than to ever see her father again.

I can’t imagine why, though. All he did was bruise his five-year old daughter’s face, beat up a couple of umpires that said his batting stance was illegal, bash gays by saying he was going to "set them straight", point a gun in his wife’s face and smash a cell phone or two. What’s the big deal?

There is no truth to the rumor that the argument between Everett and his wife started over the existence (or nonexistence) of dinosaurs. In closing, I leave you with this piece of philosophy from the soon-to-be-imprisoned Carl Everett.

"God created the sun, the stars, the heavens and the earth, and then made Adam and Eve. The Bible never says anything about dinosaurs. You can't say there were dinosaurs when you never saw them. Someone actually saw Adam and Eve. No one ever saw a Tyrannosaurus rex."

Think about it…

-Jared Carrabis



Published on April 26, 2011

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